The Best Players Money Can Buy!

This has nothing to do with the shady recruiting processes of big-time college athletics. In fact, it has everything to do with the legitimate off-season transactions and contracts of Major League Baseball (I just really love Blue Chips and will watch that end press conference scene every time it is on. Does anybody know if Tony is still playing in Europe?). Anyway, that said, here are the Hot Stove’s worst season contracts to date:

1- Elijha Dukes- Washington Nationals- One year, financial terms not disclosed:
Dukes compiled a pretty extensive rap sheet in a town situated on a sun-soaked bay (Tampa) inhabited by lots of old people formerly of the Northeast. Now he will play in D.C., a town that once saw its mayor get busted for crack, only to be re-elected years later and, ultimately, get arrested again. Nice.

2- Octavio Dotel- Chicago White Sox- Two years, $11 million:
2006- 14 G, 10 IP, 7 K, 10.80 ERA
2007- 33 G, 30.2 IP, 41K, 4.11 ERA

So Dotel’s last two combined years have him pitching 47 games, throwing 40.2 innings, and striking out 48 while having an average ERA of 7.45. So that’s about $234,043 per game, $273,632 per inning, and $229,167 per strikeout. Kenny Williams, pat yourself on the back for getting such a bargain!

3- Chin-Hui Tsao and Hideo Nomo- Kansas City Royals- Minor League Contracts:
You know what the best way to improve on a 69 win season is? Sign two Pan Asian pitchers to your Triple A roster.

4- Troy Percival- Tampa Bay Rays- Two years, $8 million:
Didn’t he retire a few years ago and then sorta come back in middle relief for the Cardinals?

5- Andy Petitte- New York Yankess- Exercised $16 million option for 2008:
Imagine what Brian McNamee can get for $16 million.

6- Jason Kendall, Milwaukee Brewers- One Year, $4.25 million:
Kendall’s stats from last year is are a .242 average with a .301 OBP and only 24 extra base hits. The rumor was that his agent was asking for a $5 million deal, but the small market Brewers thought that was too high, got crafty, and gave him only $4.25 million instead.

7- Paul Lo Duca- Washington Nationals- One year, $5 million:
I’m going to go out on a limb and say that this hasn’t been a great offseason for the Nats. I hear Lo Duca is a nice guy. He did write some nice notes that are showcased in the Mitchell Report. It’s only that sometimes he just flips and punches people in the face. Weird.

8- Kosuke Fukudome- Chicago Cubs- Four Years, $48 million:
This guy could be pretty good actually. This is really just an excuse to write that name…and giggle.