There are three major American sports leagues: the MLB, NFL, and NBA. Let’s call them “The Big Three” of American sports. Just as there is “The Big Three” of American professional sports, there is another “Big Three,” that of artery-clogging, American fast food restaurants: McDonald’s (Mac Doh’s), Burger King (The King), and Wendy’s (Wendy’s). Since it has been declared that there are both a “Big Three” of American professional sports and fast food restaurants, how then do they match up? It becomes quite clear when you use the scientific method to determine the matchups as I have done.
The NBA = Wendy’s
-The NBA showcases the best athletes in American sports. Wendy’s showcases the best menu in the Land of Fast Food.
-NBA players are known for their great range of athletic skills (running, jumping, shooting, fighting in the stands). Wendy’s is know for the great range of its products (square burgers, chili, baked potatoes, Mandarin Chicken Salads).
-Both have iconic logos. The NBA has the sleek silhouette of Jerry West and Wendy’s has the freckled image of Dave Thomas’ niece.
-NBA players are known for their great range of athletic skills (running, jumping, shooting, fighting in the stands). Wendy’s is know for the great range of its products (square burgers, chili, baked potatoes, Mandarin Chicken Salads).
-Both have iconic logos. The NBA has the sleek silhouette of Jerry West and Wendy’s has the freckled image of Dave Thomas’ niece.
The NFL= McDonald’s
-These two giants are a logical pairing. Billions of people watch the Super Bowl each year and billions of people shove quarter-pounders down their throats each year too. These two activities are often enjoyed at the same time, as it is known for many people to eat quarter-pounders at Super Bowl parties when they are served as “hors d'oeuvres”
-People get fat and lazy as they spend the entire Fall watching football. People like Morgan Spurlock get fat and lazy when they spend an entire documentary eating McDonald’s.
-The NFL is trying to establish itself in new markets like the United Kingdom, robbing loyal season ticket holders of games in the process. McDonald’s is also trying to establish itself in new markets like North Korea, robbing loyal brainwashed citizens of their hatred for the American way of life.
-People get fat and lazy as they spend the entire Fall watching football. People like Morgan Spurlock get fat and lazy when they spend an entire documentary eating McDonald’s.
-The NFL is trying to establish itself in new markets like the United Kingdom, robbing loyal season ticket holders of games in the process. McDonald’s is also trying to establish itself in new markets like North Korea, robbing loyal brainwashed citizens of their hatred for the American way of life.
MLB = Burger King
-Baseball likes to refer to its record holders as “Kings,” like the “Home Run King” or the “Stolen Base King.” Burger King is referred to simply as “The King.”
-Baseball players can be really fat and still be successful. The Whopper can make you really fat, yet it still sells successfully.
-MLB occasionally does things to lose the trust of its fans, like canceling a World Series, ending an All-Star Game in a tie, or letting its players shoot-up roids like maniacs. Burger King also, from time to time, does things that its customers question, like making really bad French Fries, debuting scary products like “Chicken Fries,” and allowing some of its restaurants to withhold Whoppers from customers, causing them to scream like maniacs.
-MLB occasionally does things to lose the trust of its fans, like canceling a World Series, ending an All-Star Game in a tie, or letting its players shoot-up roids like maniacs. Burger King also, from time to time, does things that its customers question, like making really bad French Fries, debuting scary products like “Chicken Fries,” and allowing some of its restaurants to withhold Whoppers from customers, causing them to scream like maniacs.
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