Weekend Roundup

(Ed. Note: Axel Freed, your humble editor, will be writing multiple columns each week, beginning every Monday morning with the Weekend Roundup, which is a quick recap of what you may have overlooked while you were partying/sleeping it off.)

Tiger Style - Tiger easily wins the Buick Open, cruising to an eight-stroke victory. The only way to make these tournaments that Eldrick plays in anywhere near competitive is to Vegasify them, with prop bets. Over/Under on how many times Tiger putts, fist pumps, has an awkward man-hug with caddy, number of large toothy grins, etc.

Boot Suit Riot - Tom Brady, impeccably dressed, announced at a Patriots rally that he is going to be fine for the Super Bowl. He is healthy and still an absolute dreamboat. After being annoyed by the press all last week and constantly having to answer questions, Brady has had a rough time since the Conference Championships. That is, until he goes home each night and sleeps with his supermodel girlfriend on a bed covered in money.

Celtic Pride - Hedo Turkoglu's buzzer beater sent Boston to its fifth loss in the last ten games. Sound the alarm, wake the children, send out an APB! If wanting every Boston team to slowly start losing in every sport is wrong, I don't want to be right. Now that this basketball news is out of the way, we can focus on boots, and rallies for the Pats, the real hard-hitting important news!