During our time in this mortal realm, we have all made some rather “questionable decisions.” Whether it was still wearing sweatpants far too late into a middle school career, forgoing a chance to hook-up with a once in a lifetime hottie to earn points with a more homely girl who turns out to be very uninteresting, or trading away an Alex Rodriguez rookie card for a new pack of Upper Deck that is entirely filled with Daryl Boston cards, we’ve all been there. But because we’re all human, we share these momentary lapses of judgment with the best and the brightest of humanity. Even the great ones make mistakes, as evidenced by the numerous blunders committed by military geniuses, political giants, sophisticated auteurs, and even our sporting heroes.
Thus, the time has come then to take a look at some recent head-scratching moments from the world of sports and see how they compare to other famous mulligan worthy moments in history. Remember though folks, as Dr. Farthing put it, in regards to betting against Rocky, hindsight, of course, is 20/20.
1. The Phoenix Suns trade Shawn Marion away to Miami for…Shaq?
The Phoenix Suns currently have the best record in the NBA. They run a fast-break offense that their Western Conference rivals are having a difficult time stopping. Along with Steve Nash, Shawn Marion was the most vital part of that fast-break, often leading the pack down-floor and the recipient of a Nash pass. He was also the best defender, correction, the only person who really played defense on that team. Yes, he and Amare Stoudemire did not get along so well. But Marion plays better D, and does not have a knee that has been reconstructed 57 times. That said, everything in Phoenix appeared to be working. So let’s trade Marion for Shaq? The same Shaq who couldn’t make it up the floor when playing for the Lakers five years ago? The same Shaq who has played in a total of 72 games the past two seasons! The same Shaq that wandered into a kung fu dojo while heading to a heavily emphasized charity basketball game in Tokyo, Japan and stumbled into another dimension, where he was forced to rescue a young boy named Nezu from the evil mummy Sett-Ra! (Deep breath) Now it looks as though Phoenix might have to adjust to a new offense mid-season as the Shaq Diesel engine sputters up the floor.
What does this make the Suns? It makes them Napoleon, famous for really blowing it in Russia.
In 1812 Napoleon was at the height of his power. His French Empire ruled over almost all of Continental Europe with no other power daring the move against him. He had the Napoleonic system crankin’, his siblings installed as kings or queens all over the continent, and he literally had hundreds of women in every town he visited because, well, he was in charge of every town he visited. The little man had it working! So one has to wonder why, when all his cylinders were firing correctly, he essentially tried to acquire the huge Shaq-like entity that is Russia. Calling this a questionable decision may be “the” understatement of the 19th century. Napoleon’s army was caught in the cold, thrown into disarray, and slowly the other major empires caught up to him and knocked him out. A Suns playoff omen? Perhaps.
2. Estranged wife of Don Mattingly is arrested and charged with public intoxication after refusing to leave Don’s lawn.
Don…Donnie…The Hitman! Since you left the playing field, the Yankees have won four rings. Since you joined the coaching staff, the Yankees have won no rings. Then to top it all off, the Yanks shunned you for the managerial position in favor of a dude with a crew cut! Now things are just getting worse. For starters, have you seen his wife? (Yamma Hamma, it’s fright night!) If that’s what the 1985 MVP wakes up to every morning, how much hope do I have? Needless to say, Don has moved on, but apparently Mrs. Mattingly has not. The Hitman filed for protective order against her citing three examples of her appearing at his home including one incident where she tried to kick down his door! So who is really to blame for Mattingly’s fall and subsequent hysteria of his wife? I point the finger at Mattingly himself. After all, he was the one who made the conscious decision to shave his world famous mustache. Seriously, all of this happened after Donnie shaved his heralded lip ornament. Damn it Mattingly, I thought I told you to TRIM those sideburns!
So what other famous figure drew his power from his hair…Samson, you say? How about General Ambrose Burnside?
Burnside was famous for his peculiar facial hair, joining his sideburns to his mustache, but with chin clean-shaven. In fact, the word burnsides was coined to describe this particular style of facial hair. The rest, as they say, was history. So why after he dominated North Carolina, delivering the first significant Union victories in the Eastern Theater did he decide to shave his sideburns, giving up his trademark style? Things began falling apart as he stumbled through Antietam before he and his troops were completely humiliated by the Confederates in Fredericksburg. He has been described during his post sideburns military career as, “obstinate, unimaginative, and unsuited both intellectually and emotionally for high command.”
3. Kevin Hart decides to play Cal although Cal has no idea who he is.
Wow, what a couple of days it has been in the Kevin Hart fiasco. The high school lineman holds a press conference in his native Nevada to declare that he has chosen to play D-I football for Cal over their Pac-10 rivals Oregon. The only problem was that nobody at Cal ever heard of Kevin Hart. Neither did the recruiter who supposedly hoodwinked Hart and his family into believing the scholarships were real. Why? Because the so-called recruiter doesn’t exist! Hart made the entire thing up because he, “wanted to play D-I ball more than anything,” and when he realized he was having pipe dreams that not even the Mario Brothers could fix, Hart, “made up what I wanted to be reality.” Crying wolf like this, especially since it became a national story with pundits feeling sorry for him, is a questionable decision to say the least. It really makes one wonder about the mental state of this kid.
So what does Hart’s actions bring to mind? Most definitely, the thought process going the minds of David Bowie and Mick Jagger in 1985.
Leading up the Live Aid event of that year, the two English rockers, who by this time were very much “glam,” decided to team up and record Martha and the Vandella’s hit “Dancing in the Street.” Bowie and Jagger apparently hit if off so well in the studio that the pair decided to fly to New York and shoot a music video for the song. The recording topped the charts in the U.K. for nearly four weeks, however the video shed an entirely new questionable light on the lads.
Thus, the time has come then to take a look at some recent head-scratching moments from the world of sports and see how they compare to other famous mulligan worthy moments in history. Remember though folks, as Dr. Farthing put it, in regards to betting against Rocky, hindsight, of course, is 20/20.
1. The Phoenix Suns trade Shawn Marion away to Miami for…Shaq?
The Phoenix Suns currently have the best record in the NBA. They run a fast-break offense that their Western Conference rivals are having a difficult time stopping. Along with Steve Nash, Shawn Marion was the most vital part of that fast-break, often leading the pack down-floor and the recipient of a Nash pass. He was also the best defender, correction, the only person who really played defense on that team. Yes, he and Amare Stoudemire did not get along so well. But Marion plays better D, and does not have a knee that has been reconstructed 57 times. That said, everything in Phoenix appeared to be working. So let’s trade Marion for Shaq? The same Shaq who couldn’t make it up the floor when playing for the Lakers five years ago? The same Shaq who has played in a total of 72 games the past two seasons! The same Shaq that wandered into a kung fu dojo while heading to a heavily emphasized charity basketball game in Tokyo, Japan and stumbled into another dimension, where he was forced to rescue a young boy named Nezu from the evil mummy Sett-Ra! (Deep breath) Now it looks as though Phoenix might have to adjust to a new offense mid-season as the Shaq Diesel engine sputters up the floor.
What does this make the Suns? It makes them Napoleon, famous for really blowing it in Russia.
In 1812 Napoleon was at the height of his power. His French Empire ruled over almost all of Continental Europe with no other power daring the move against him. He had the Napoleonic system crankin’, his siblings installed as kings or queens all over the continent, and he literally had hundreds of women in every town he visited because, well, he was in charge of every town he visited. The little man had it working! So one has to wonder why, when all his cylinders were firing correctly, he essentially tried to acquire the huge Shaq-like entity that is Russia. Calling this a questionable decision may be “the” understatement of the 19th century. Napoleon’s army was caught in the cold, thrown into disarray, and slowly the other major empires caught up to him and knocked him out. A Suns playoff omen? Perhaps.
2. Estranged wife of Don Mattingly is arrested and charged with public intoxication after refusing to leave Don’s lawn.
Don…Donnie…The Hitman! Since you left the playing field, the Yankees have won four rings. Since you joined the coaching staff, the Yankees have won no rings. Then to top it all off, the Yanks shunned you for the managerial position in favor of a dude with a crew cut! Now things are just getting worse. For starters, have you seen his wife? (Yamma Hamma, it’s fright night!) If that’s what the 1985 MVP wakes up to every morning, how much hope do I have? Needless to say, Don has moved on, but apparently Mrs. Mattingly has not. The Hitman filed for protective order against her citing three examples of her appearing at his home including one incident where she tried to kick down his door! So who is really to blame for Mattingly’s fall and subsequent hysteria of his wife? I point the finger at Mattingly himself. After all, he was the one who made the conscious decision to shave his world famous mustache. Seriously, all of this happened after Donnie shaved his heralded lip ornament. Damn it Mattingly, I thought I told you to TRIM those sideburns!
So what other famous figure drew his power from his hair…Samson, you say? How about General Ambrose Burnside?
Burnside was famous for his peculiar facial hair, joining his sideburns to his mustache, but with chin clean-shaven. In fact, the word burnsides was coined to describe this particular style of facial hair. The rest, as they say, was history. So why after he dominated North Carolina, delivering the first significant Union victories in the Eastern Theater did he decide to shave his sideburns, giving up his trademark style? Things began falling apart as he stumbled through Antietam before he and his troops were completely humiliated by the Confederates in Fredericksburg. He has been described during his post sideburns military career as, “obstinate, unimaginative, and unsuited both intellectually and emotionally for high command.”
3. Kevin Hart decides to play Cal although Cal has no idea who he is.
Wow, what a couple of days it has been in the Kevin Hart fiasco. The high school lineman holds a press conference in his native Nevada to declare that he has chosen to play D-I football for Cal over their Pac-10 rivals Oregon. The only problem was that nobody at Cal ever heard of Kevin Hart. Neither did the recruiter who supposedly hoodwinked Hart and his family into believing the scholarships were real. Why? Because the so-called recruiter doesn’t exist! Hart made the entire thing up because he, “wanted to play D-I ball more than anything,” and when he realized he was having pipe dreams that not even the Mario Brothers could fix, Hart, “made up what I wanted to be reality.” Crying wolf like this, especially since it became a national story with pundits feeling sorry for him, is a questionable decision to say the least. It really makes one wonder about the mental state of this kid.
So what does Hart’s actions bring to mind? Most definitely, the thought process going the minds of David Bowie and Mick Jagger in 1985.
Leading up the Live Aid event of that year, the two English rockers, who by this time were very much “glam,” decided to team up and record Martha and the Vandella’s hit “Dancing in the Street.” Bowie and Jagger apparently hit if off so well in the studio that the pair decided to fly to New York and shoot a music video for the song. The recording topped the charts in the U.K. for nearly four weeks, however the video shed an entirely new questionable light on the lads.
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