Originally I was going to write today’s column about the history of Rec Specs, however, with the Oscars less than a week away, I could not resist a sports-movie themed Fab Five.
So as I was attempting to carve out this piece, I began scribbling down sports movies and athlete cameos and roles and came up with a pretty extensive list. So much so, that I decided to break it down a bit further: athletes who had substantial film roles and athletes who made smaller cameos in films. Then I rounded this down to my favorite athlete movie appearances; the ones that make me laugh every time (as it appears that athletes typically are used as comic relief in their appearances). I also ruled out movies that were solely based on sports (ie Space Jam, Rookie of the Year, Blue Chips, etc.).
From this I came up with a list of Top 5 Athlete Cameos and Top 5 Athlete Actors in Films. Since I am usually strapped for material anyway, I decided to split this up into a Special Two Week Fab Five Series. This week, we’ll start out with the Top 5 Cameos since one of these guys, for some reason, was in the news a lot recently. So without further adieu…
The Top Five (In No Particular Order) Athlete Cinematic Cameos
1. Roger Clemens, Kingpin
Whether it was Randy Quaid dropping in a urinal, Bill Murray’s hair sticking completely straight up during the finals of the $1,000,000 Winner Take All Reno Open, wondering how the chick from “Weird Science” didn’t get more parts in the mid 90s, or the excitement of the opening note of ELO’s “Showdown,” Kingpin is just an absolute classic. With all this comedic stimulation, Clemens’ appearance as Skidmark is oft forgot about. Shockingly, his brutal treatment of Randy Quaid for dancing with his woman is never brought up in potential ‘roid rage talks.
2. Cam Neely, Dumb and Dumber
Before Clemens, the Farrelly Brothers struck comedic athlete gold by casting Bruin legend and Dennis Leary soul mate Cam Neely as gritty trucker Sea Bass. Who will ever forget Jim Carrey’s face when Neely kicks in the stall in an attempt to molest poor Lloyd Christmas. The Farrelly’s employed Neely as Sea Bass again in 2000’s “Me, Myself, and Irene.”
3. Dan Marino, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
I could probably write an entire column just about Marino’s appearance in Ace Ventura, despite the fact that Mrs. Finkle believes he should die of gonnorhea and rot in hell. Sean Young’s antics as Lt. Lois Einhorn in that final scene with Marino are just hilarious on such a creep level. Kudos to Marino for being a good sport and letting fun be poked at him during the film as well as being the one to tell Tom Ace about… Big Ol’ Mr. Kinnish! Remember, laces out, Dan!
4. Brett Faverererererr, There’s Something About Mary
The movie which really propelled Ben Stiller into the mainstream (because I am pretty sure that only me and ten others watched the Ben Stiller Show), brought out Chris Elliott’s greatest performance (Sorry, Cabin Boy), and taught me a lot about these damn Nepalese coins and various hair gel uses, also has a great appearance by Favre in the end as Cameron Diaz’s lost love interest. Shockingly enough, this is actually Peter King’s all time favorite movie.
5. Reggie Jackson, The Naked Gun
Leave it to super-sleuth, Lt. Frank Drebin to foil Ricardo Montebaum’s evil scheme to kill the queen with the aid of then Angels’ outfielder, Mr. October Reggie Jackson (with the help of Enrico Palazzo, of course).
Now to this week’s If That’s What You’re Into’s…
Coach Who Squeezed the Most Out of His Players’ Mind Grapes:
Clearly, Doc Rivers. The East could not have mounted that comeback without his zen-like tutelage.
Ace of the Week:
Ryan Newman you say? NO WAY! Sure, he had kind of a big weekend and also gave the media many Seinfeld, dressing, and the occasional, obscure Larraine Newman references, but this week’s Ace is Kimbo Slice. Kimbo Slice? Yea, I had never heard of him until about ten minutes ago but apparently he KO’d Tank Abbott in 43 seconds this weekend in UFC or whatever. His name is KIMBO SLICE!!! How absolutely bad ass is that!!! Not to mention, according to his bio, he was the former bodyguard of the MILF Hunter! Move over Kevin Boss, there’s a new man crush in town!
The Jake Plummer Best Press Photo of the Week:
Denis Grebeshkov, Edmonton Oilers – I know he is a Super Manning and just won the SB MVP, but hockey?
So as I was attempting to carve out this piece, I began scribbling down sports movies and athlete cameos and roles and came up with a pretty extensive list. So much so, that I decided to break it down a bit further: athletes who had substantial film roles and athletes who made smaller cameos in films. Then I rounded this down to my favorite athlete movie appearances; the ones that make me laugh every time (as it appears that athletes typically are used as comic relief in their appearances). I also ruled out movies that were solely based on sports (ie Space Jam, Rookie of the Year, Blue Chips, etc.).
From this I came up with a list of Top 5 Athlete Cameos and Top 5 Athlete Actors in Films. Since I am usually strapped for material anyway, I decided to split this up into a Special Two Week Fab Five Series. This week, we’ll start out with the Top 5 Cameos since one of these guys, for some reason, was in the news a lot recently. So without further adieu…
The Top Five (In No Particular Order) Athlete Cinematic Cameos
1. Roger Clemens, Kingpin
Whether it was Randy Quaid dropping in a urinal, Bill Murray’s hair sticking completely straight up during the finals of the $1,000,000 Winner Take All Reno Open, wondering how the chick from “Weird Science” didn’t get more parts in the mid 90s, or the excitement of the opening note of ELO’s “Showdown,” Kingpin is just an absolute classic. With all this comedic stimulation, Clemens’ appearance as Skidmark is oft forgot about. Shockingly, his brutal treatment of Randy Quaid for dancing with his woman is never brought up in potential ‘roid rage talks.
2. Cam Neely, Dumb and Dumber
Before Clemens, the Farrelly Brothers struck comedic athlete gold by casting Bruin legend and Dennis Leary soul mate Cam Neely as gritty trucker Sea Bass. Who will ever forget Jim Carrey’s face when Neely kicks in the stall in an attempt to molest poor Lloyd Christmas. The Farrelly’s employed Neely as Sea Bass again in 2000’s “Me, Myself, and Irene.”
3. Dan Marino, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
I could probably write an entire column just about Marino’s appearance in Ace Ventura, despite the fact that Mrs. Finkle believes he should die of gonnorhea and rot in hell. Sean Young’s antics as Lt. Lois Einhorn in that final scene with Marino are just hilarious on such a creep level. Kudos to Marino for being a good sport and letting fun be poked at him during the film as well as being the one to tell Tom Ace about… Big Ol’ Mr. Kinnish! Remember, laces out, Dan!
4. Brett Faverererererr, There’s Something About Mary
The movie which really propelled Ben Stiller into the mainstream (because I am pretty sure that only me and ten others watched the Ben Stiller Show), brought out Chris Elliott’s greatest performance (Sorry, Cabin Boy), and taught me a lot about these damn Nepalese coins and various hair gel uses, also has a great appearance by Favre in the end as Cameron Diaz’s lost love interest. Shockingly enough, this is actually Peter King’s all time favorite movie.
5. Reggie Jackson, The Naked Gun
Leave it to super-sleuth, Lt. Frank Drebin to foil Ricardo Montebaum’s evil scheme to kill the queen with the aid of then Angels’ outfielder, Mr. October Reggie Jackson (with the help of Enrico Palazzo, of course).
Now to this week’s If That’s What You’re Into’s…
Coach Who Squeezed the Most Out of His Players’ Mind Grapes:
Clearly, Doc Rivers. The East could not have mounted that comeback without his zen-like tutelage.
Ace of the Week:
Ryan Newman you say? NO WAY! Sure, he had kind of a big weekend and also gave the media many Seinfeld, dressing, and the occasional, obscure Larraine Newman references, but this week’s Ace is Kimbo Slice. Kimbo Slice? Yea, I had never heard of him until about ten minutes ago but apparently he KO’d Tank Abbott in 43 seconds this weekend in UFC or whatever. His name is KIMBO SLICE!!! How absolutely bad ass is that!!! Not to mention, according to his bio, he was the former bodyguard of the MILF Hunter! Move over Kevin Boss, there’s a new man crush in town!
The Jake Plummer Best Press Photo of the Week:
Denis Grebeshkov, Edmonton Oilers – I know he is a Super Manning and just won the SB MVP, but hockey?
Old Wrestler to Waste 10 Minutes Wiki-ing:
Originally it was going to be The Canadian Earthquake John Tenta, but during that reading, I noticed an even better wrestler, his tag team partner, Typhoon (Fred Ottman).
Here Comes Treble – Song I am Listening to Right Now:
Belle and Sebastian - Expectations
Hans Moleman’s Humorous Sports Blooper of the Week:
Boink!
Social Gaffe of the Week:
So apparently Gary Coleman has not yet made love to his new wife. I mean, there is nothing wrong with waiting until marriage…have a nice romantic evening with candles lit, consummate the marriage on the honeym…SEVEN MONTHS!!! Wait a second, they have been married for seven months and he still hasn’t taken her to the Bone Yard?!?! Not only that, but she states that they fight so much that she fears for her life. The whole fiasco, although arguably one of the creepiest stories of the week, pales in comparison to the actual wedding photo.
Classic SNL Skit of the Week:
If I had a dime every time Jeff Fassero, Greg Jeffries, and Ted Brogan hung out together.
Fearless Prediction of the Week:
Andy Pettitte will once again melt down at Yankees’ spring training this week and confess to manager Joe Girardi that not only did he use HGH once again in 2004 at the behest of his great aunt’s boyfriend, but that he was also the one responsible for the NBA All-Star game jerseys.
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